Shake It! A Salt Blog

Caesar's Invasion of Britain + Quote!

noreply@blogger.com (amanda) — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 20:46:00 +0000

I have one of those page-a-day calendars on my desk for work. This is the third year I've had one ^.^ This year, instead of a daily comic, I picked up "The Dangerous Book for Boys." There was a similar one for girls, but that all had stuff about etiquette and what-not. The DBB had cool trivia and how to make paper airplanes XD

In any case, for the past couple days, the pages have been giving information on Julius Caesar's invasions of Britain in 55 and 54 BC. It's been really interesting, and I thought I'd share some of the tidbits.

In 55 BC, Caesar's Romans first landed on the beaches in Kent. The Britons (which means "painted ones") fought in the water with their dogs to prevent the ships with soldiers from reaching the shore. Caesar's personal account of this battle actually marks the first reference of a specific domesticated dog breed - the English mastiff. ^.^ The surviving Roman soldiers, including Caesar, ended up coming to a truce with the Britons, but they came back in 54 BC with a huge army: 800 ships, five legions of troops, and 2000 cavalrymen. Fortunately for the Britons, a huge storm hit at the same time and decimated Caesar's ships and troops. With his remaining armies, Caesar marched north and wiped out a bunch of tribes before finally agreeing to peace terms. Then he left and never returned (due to being distracted by Cleopatra and then being stabbity-stabbed).

Work Quote of the Day (I'm not certain of the context):
J: I hate deceased employees.
L: They're such a nuisance!

Mmm, Spam Emails

noreply@blogger.com (amanda) — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 15:52:00 +0000

Hi! It's my first post of the new year, and it's going to be about spam emails. Woo!

Spam email titles are usually pretty entertaining if you bother to look (just at the subjects, mind you - don't go opening that stuff). What's slightly alarming is that they're supposed to be sinisterly targeted at their audience. That being said, I have to wonder what these people think about me (and how in the freaking world did I manage to get on their lists in the first place, because seriously). The spam emails I received today:
Watches with bling
Improve the look of your kitchen cabinets
Did you suffer a gall bladder injury while using Birth Control?
You may qualify for an electric wheelchair at little or no cost
As Seen on TV: Watch Over 4500 Channels
Miracle Anti-Aging Pill

The only conclusion I can reach is that the internet thinks I'm an aspiring rapper/interior designer with a crippling gall bladder injury who's aging poorly in front of a television. Thanks a lot, internet. Jerk.

I do want to make a shout out to the As Seen on TV spammers, though. They had the only properly capitalized email subject. Good job.

Mr. Travon the Hairstylist

noreply@blogger.com (amanda) — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 21:20:00 +0000

Every now and then, I meet a person in my daily adventures who seems to be channeling Mr. Travon from Salt the Holly (he was, after all, based on a real person). I tend to take a more light-hearted tone in the comic though, as making him as realistic as he could be would be horrifying. In any case, this weekend, a Mr. Travon protege cut my hair.

Omitting the gritty details about getting sprayed in the face with water and a completely horrible haircut in general and the part where he ignored me most of the time to talk about stillbirths with someone else's customer, we'll skip to the icky bits.

Typically, when a person is cutting your hair, the chair is positioned so that your head is about chest level with the stylist, right? So they don't have to hold their arms in an awkward position and such. Well, this guy puts the chair on the lowest setting so that my knees are really close to my chest and my face is just above groin-level to him. Then... he rests his junk on my shoulder and presses his stomach against my cheek. Oh my goodness.

I asked him not to stand so close to me, and he looked really irritated and said, "Why?"

"Uh, because your junk is on my shoulder, and it makes me uncomfortable."

He looks down, observes his junk very obviously on my person, and replies, "No, it isn't."

At that point, I stood up, moved to a different chair, and asked another stylist to fix the mess he'd made of my hair. (I imagine it's difficult to properly cut the hair of someone whose face is shoved in your abdomen.)

Guilty Pleasure Jokes

noreply@blogger.com (amanda) — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 19:22:00 +0000

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.

Where does George Washington keep his armies?
In his sleevies.

What do vegan zombies eat?
Graaaaaaaains.

Quick-n-Dirty Update + Quote!

noreply@blogger.com (amanda) — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 15:46:00 +0000

I'm not going to regale you with epic tales of being sick for a couple weeks. You're welcome.

Aside from that, life has settled into that kind of comfortable yet frantic pace that the holiday season seems to bring - and while most people I come across are pleasant and jovial, I definitely understand the "Seasonal Blues" phenomenom. Especially with the weather being consistantly overcast and drizzly. And the fog. The fog has been incredible.

My company Christmas party is tomorrow night - we'll be heading to Jack Allen's Kitchen and will be there opening night - it's kind of exciting, and I feel vaguely like a celebrity.

And here's the quote of the day (I don't know the context, but I heard it all the way across the office):
S: Look in my eye. There's glass in my eye. LOOK AT IT!

Winter Weather... in TEXAS?

noreply@blogger.com (amanda) — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 18:59:00 +0000

Yup, it's actually snowing right now! I was surprised - the weather reports are calling for an inch and a half of accumulation, but I'm just laughing at that. For starters, the temperature hasn't reached freezing yet. And besides, the ground is too warm to allow for accumulation. Now, if the snow keeps falling at the rate it has been, we *might* get a white powdery dusting on the top of cars and shrubs - but only maybe.

I took a couple pictures - if any came out well, I'll post them here.

Also, I told Trevor, our Chicago friend, about the snow:
Trevor: it was snowing here yesterday...i bet our snow is colder than yours
Me: I'm sure it is =p Your snow would beat up our snow and take its lunch money
Trevor: and it's girlfriend. "you're dating me now, baby! now gimme some of your fries"

Marriage Blah Blah Blah

noreply@blogger.com (amanda) — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 21:55:00 +0000

The subject of convenience marriages came up the other day, and that made me remember a particular incident of a couple years ago. I was friends with a girl involved in that type of marriage (she married a guy to get permanent citizenship, tsk). She had a male friend who wanted the same scenario, and, as I was her only single girl friend, she tried to set that up with me.

I remember having to give that serious thought. On one hand, that would have been pretty much illegal and ugh, the paperwork and stuff. But on the other, all this dating crap would have been a non-issue. Besides, I tend to agree with the mentality that you're just gambling with your choice of partner and that you really do have equal chance of happiness (or contentment, at least) regardless of the partner you choose.

Could just be my bitterness talking, but digest that for a bit. I was told more than once that people are on their best behavior while dating (and, to an extent, while living together), but once they're married, all holds are off. Well... *I* can fake being a pleasing, sweet, dutiful partner for a solid length of time, so theoretically speaking, I could just trick someone into marrying me and then turn into a sour, horrifying mess of a woman because mwahaha, it takes effort to get divorced! Rar!

I don't think that this happens often to that particular extreme... but it happens in small ways all the time. The point, I guess, is that you never *really* know a person until you're in a legally binding relationship that's difficult to walk away from (especially in Texas). You might find that, ten or twenty years down the line, you aren't compatible at all anymore. You've grown apart. That sort of scenario happens every single day.

Maybe I'm just not exposed to many relationships that work in the long term anymore. Fidelity seems outdated. I haven't seen but a handful of marriages that are built on respect and friendship.

I know I'm rambling. I'd apologize, but... nah.

Filling in the Blanks

noreply@blogger.com (amanda) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:14:00 +0000

I refuse to be "that girl" who always apologizes for not living up to expectations. In that vein, mwahahaha, I have deprived you of my mad blogging skills, and it was awesome in many ways.

I can't even begin to think of all the things that have happened since late September, but I'll gloss over some of the highlights so we're all back up to speed.

1. I turned 27! Not much changed there as I'm still in the same age bracket as before, don't have any additional rights, and am doing the exact same things as I did when I was 26. I keep thinking of myself as 28, though, which is probably an indication of early onset senility.

2. Jess and I went to the Dallas Webcomic Expo! We met some wonderful fellow comickers and even sold a few things. We also gave away some hats. After the convention, we spent an entire Sunday running around with said fellow comickers taking silly pictures and molesting statues.

3. Halloween was in there somewhere! Jess was in a car accident on Halloween morning - she is okay but still a bit on the sore side. That resulted in her taking tons of medicine and unfortunately missing the Halloween party she helped plan. She had painted a mural on the wall of the party location, so she was there in spirit ^.^

4. We went on a massive road trip to Chicago! And by road trip, I mean, we actually DROVE. It was a 22 hour trip one way, and we drove it in one day. The trip was to see Trevor and also menace the city as only Jess and I can do. Awesome trip, awesome company, awesome city. We took entirely too many pictures.

That brings us up to speed on the most major events, I think.

Next week is Thanksgiving - I'll be spending that with Jessica's family this year - it'll be a bonus road trip AND holiday!

AND for a final little story: Jess and I got free tickets to see "New Moon" for its theatrical debut at midnight last night. The situation was laughable - the line was all the way around the building, and there were only a handful of over 18 NON parent people there. ^.^ It was a horrible movie experience - the movie itself wasn't that bad, incidentally. But the lights were left on in the theatre as well as the light in the projector room which left a giant projector-shaped shadow on the screen the whole time. (They didn't fix that even after being asked.) THEN someone apparently called in a bomb threat, so about 20 minutes til the end of the movie, everyone was shooed out the theatre. Okay. Imagine a bunch of panicked high school girls. Irritating. I kept getting shoved around by the ones behind me because they were freaked out and wanted to get away from the building. *sigh* We got back in to finish the movie, at least, and afterwards, if you wanted, you could get a free pass to another movie. Jess and I have those. So yay. And that's my New Moon adventure.

Also it's raining outside.

I Know, I Know

noreply@blogger.com (amanda) — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 16:45:00 +0000

I suck at this blogging thing. I'm not particularly good at keeping up with *any* social networking tool except the forums at DrunkDuck.com, actually. Good times.

Storms in Central Texas

noreply@blogger.com (amanda) — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 20:38:00 +0000

We had a pretty nasty batch of storms rail through our fair city and the surrounding areas last night. I was reading an article about the damages and such, and this quote struck me as both funny and terrifyingly stupid:

"[I] never thought it would turn over these RVs,” Burnet RV owner Karl Piehl, said. “I've always said when you see a storm or something you always seen mobile home parks destroyed, not RV parks. Storms are not supposed to hit RV parks, but this one obviously did."

From this article.

noreply@blogger.com (amanda) — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 14:57:00 +0000

Oh uh... hey guys!

Jess and I have been pretty busy lately with our jobs and both comics, so there hasn't been much to report other than, "Uh... we've been drawing a lot." A couple weeks ago, we went to see "Up" which was extremely cool - I was skeptical because I'm not a fan of the "endearing child sidekick" schtick, but I didn't hate this one. ^.^

Quote of the day: "My geography's not too good - where's Kentucky?"

Enriching Your Mind

noreply@blogger.com (amanda) — Fri, 15 May 2009 18:34:00 +0000

Regarding a bar in Austin called The Tiniest Bar in Texas:

With its extended patio (haphazardly tented in winter, so it feels like a claustrophobic carnival) and covered porch, I doubt that the Tiniest Bar is actually the tiniest bar after all, but I don't really mind. Places misrepresent themselves all the time—Whole Foods often serves things which are cut into pieces, there's a Central Market pretty far south, the Library isn't actually a library, and Casino el Camino has nothing to do with gambling or ugly cars. So if the Tiniest Bar in Texas wants to call itself the Land That Never Was or the Set of the "Tonight Show" or Canada, I don't really care. I'll happily go there and wile away the evening with a couple of Fireman's #4s or a cheap bloody Mary anyway.

Source

Regarding Escamoles, one of Uphaa.com's Bizarre/Disgusting Foods:

Escamoles are the eggs of the giant black Liometopum ant, which makes its home in the root systems of maguey and agave plants. Collecting the eggs is a uniquely unpleasant job, since the ants are highly venomous and have some kind of blood grudge against human orifices. The eggs have the consistency of cottage cheese. The most popular way to eat them is in a taco with guacamole, while being insane.

Source

Food + Dancing

noreply@blogger.com (amanda) — Fri, 08 May 2009 16:47:00 +0000

We put in a big sandwich order today, and I accidentally wrote "No lettuce, no tomato" instead of "no mayo." Fortunately, I corrected it in time - I would have been very unhappy. As a follow up:

Me: I'm the dumbest person ever.
D: Yeah, that's what I've been telling people.

In other news, it's the one-year anniversary for Kick Butt Blues! We're celebrating with a semi-formal dance tonight. I have a pretty dress and everything! Now, if I can just shake this being-tired business...

This is Crazy, People

noreply@blogger.com (amanda) — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 19:13:00 +0000

So today, I almost got chased out of the grocery store.

I'm sure all of you have heard about the swine flu thing - people are going insane about it. Dude. It's a strain of the flu. It is NOT that big of a deal. To declare Texas a disaster area because we've had one person die is really silly. In any case, because of all the sensationalist news, people are in a freaking panic around town.

I went to the grocery store to pick up a salad for lunch, and I coughed a little bit. Not like a sick cough - like a clear-the-throat-because-I-have-allergies cough. And this woman whirls around and says, in a horrible shrieky voice, "I can't believe you'd come in a public place being sick like that. Don't you know you're endangering people? Get out of here!"

She was just a shopper, not a manager or anything, so of course I didn't listen to her. I just raised my eyebrows and kept going. She was shouting at my back with stuff like, "Don't you go touching anything!"

It was both hilarious and pathetic.

A Little Video Treat for You

noreply@blogger.com (amanda) — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 19:51:00 +0000

Shoot it! SHOOT IT!"

Miss You Fever + Quotes!

noreply@blogger.com (amanda) — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 18:28:00 +0000

Want to hear a great Texas blues song? It's "Miss You Fever" by Delbert McClinton - it'll play on imeem.com.
Listen!
Mmm, such a great song.

Also, two great work quotes today:

S: I think the internet comes in through the plumbing. I'm serious. Someone flushes, and everyone goes offline.
-----
S: Have you guys seen the videos yet?
M: Nope. We're like... we're the mushroom group - always in the dark.
S: Well, I guess that explains the moss.

T-Bird and the Breaks

noreply@blogger.com (amanda) — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 16:08:00 +0000

Last night, Jess and I went to see T-Bird and the Breaks at Scholz Garden. Mmm, beer garden. Mmm, Blue Moon pint with a slice of orange. Given the band's blues/soul feel, it was the perfect opportunity to get some dancing in. And oh yes - yes it was. Blues + dancing = bubbling over with happiness!

You can (and should!) check them out on their MySpace page:
http://www.myspace.com/tbirdandthebreaks
I'm a big fan of "Blackberry Brandy" and "Sunday on My Own" - and I also like their brass section's hats ^.^

Jess and I are still in our moving limbo. I am hoping to get everything cleared out of my old apartment by this weekend. I really should do it tonight, but they're teaching the Hustle in the side room at the Fed tonight... so I'm weighing my sense of responsibility with my desire to learn a new dance.

The Post in Which I Ramble Ceaselessly (Until I Stop)

noreply@blogger.com (amanda) — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 17:02:00 +0000

On Friday, I picked up the keys to the new place, paid the pro-rated rent, and got the gas and electric hooked up. It was to be the main moving day for Jess and me - but there was one tiny hiccup in the plans.

It was POURING down rain. Lightning, hail, heavy winds, thundercracks, and giant puddles. The whole bit. Needless to say, very little of our stuff was actually moved on Friday - and I spent a good majority of the day being completely soaked. It was a nice, cool rain, though - so it wasn't too bad.

Saturday, I got the internet service hooked up - that was like being able to function properly again (email, some work on the comic, MUSIC, all that good stuff).

We're about 90% done moving, I'd say. We have places to sleep and a futon... and Jess brought her cats over last night. Poor Stimpy was high on kitty xanax (which he so desperately needs when it comes to car trips), but otherwise, they seemed to be adjusting relatively quickly.

The place is a two-story townhome, and you probably know that I'm quite clumsy by now. Well, I used up all my not-being-clumsy energy on getting up and down the stairs without falling down them, but I guess my grace quota has worn off since I managed to trip out the front door and faceplant on the sidewalk. Go me.

I maintain that I am entirely too old to have skinned knees, but I almost want to wear a skirt to show them off because it's kind of hilarious.

Probably the biggest obstacle Jess and I are going to face in living together is sharing a bathroom. We've been roommates before, but this is the first time that we've shared a bathroom. I'm one of the least girly women out there, but I reserve the right to have lots of grooming products. Well... Jess has lots of them, too, and our bathroom looks like a Sally Beauty Supply exploded in it. Haha, oh well - we'll figure it all out eventually. I'm not in any hurry right now because our lives are kind of chaotic anyway.

Things are looking good to keep Salt and BNR on a normal update schedule, though, which is nice. *sigh of relief*

noreply@blogger.com (amanda) — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 19:10:00 +0000

Tomorrow, Jess and I get the keys for the new place! *celebrates* It's going to be a busy weekend, that's for certain.

I had a really vivid dream last night that my apartment burned down while I was at work today, so I have all my computer backup disks and important paperwork in a bag in my car. Am I a dope? You bet! ^.^ But I feel better anyway.

Mmm, Bluesy Music.

noreply@blogger.com (amanda) — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 23:08:00 +0000

So here's a song recommendation:

"Magnolia" by The Screamin' Cheetah Wheelies. It's a nice blues-rock tune with some sexy harmonica tossed in for good measure. I used to hear it on a local radio station when I was in high school - but that radio station was eaten by Clear Channel and - as you might expect - the content and playlists changed greatly.

I managed to snag it on iTunes, but I also wanted to share... so I found this:
http://www.rhapsody.com/screamin-cheetah-wheelies/magnolia--volcano
You can play the song on Rhapsody for free! Go listen. It's awesome. Mmm. Harmonica.

ILVTOFU

noreply@blogger.com (amanda) — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 16:09:00 +0000

So, when you first read the title of this post, what do you see?

The State of Colorado recently denied this requested vanity plate because they worried that drivers might read something inappropriate rather than "I Love Tofu."

Check out the article (which is pretty funny).

My favorite line? "It's not a dirty, evil food."

Your Email Has Won!

noreply@blogger.com (amanda) — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 14:38:00 +0000

Spam subject line: Your Email Has Won!*

Apparently, my email has been entering contests when I'm not paying attention. Stop it, email. What have I told you about playing around online? Don't you realize it's a dangerous place? My email has probably been chatting up pedophiles and signing up for porn email lists, too. *sigh* I fail as an email parent.

I woke up this morning knowing that I was dreaming about a Wheel of Fortune styled game show that I hosted, and all the contestants were dinosaurs... but I can't recall the details. I should start keeping a tally so I can figure out what percentage of my dreams involve dinosaurs. I bet that percentage would be pretty high.

*It's not as bad, though, as the "Pervert Veterans" subject line. I don't even want to speculate on that one.

Nom!

noreply@blogger.com (amanda) — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 17:18:00 +0000

One of the coolest things to happen in Spring: the arrival of the Sno-Cone trucks.

The Strawberry Voyage

noreply@blogger.com (amanda) — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 17:05:00 +0000

Lindsay, Melissa, and I decided to hit up the strawberry farm this past weekend. It was all planned - Lindsay was going to pack a picnic, I was going to drive, Melissa was going to be awesome.

Well, Lindsay discovered that she was out of food, so she made a giant bowl full of quinoa and brought that. We got some cups and spoons and set out on the adventure.

As we were almost out of town, my car started spewing steam from under the hood and through the vents! Aaaah! I pulled a turn-off manuver that should only have worked in the movies and stopped. We popped the hood, and it looked like a water hose had burst all over the place. (Turns out, my thermostat housing had cracked, and the water line exploded - yay.) So we hang out waiting for the tow truck and eat quinoa by the roadside. ^.^

Melissa's husband Wojciech (pronounced VOY-check) rescued us once the car was towed away, and by God, we went to the strawberry farm anyway! *triumphant pose*

We took some photos for But Not Really pages - those should be fun.

Adventure Time!

noreply@blogger.com (amanda) — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 18:36:00 +0000

I've been showing it around, but it's high time that everyone sees it. Go forth!