Caesar's Invasion of Britain + Quote!

I have one of those page-a-day calendars on my desk for work. This is the third year I've had one ^.^ This year, instead of a daily comic, I picked up "The Dangerous Book for Boys." There was a similar one for girls, but that all had stuff about etiquette and what-not. The DBB had cool trivia and how to make paper airplanes XD

In any case, for the past couple days, the pages have been giving information on Julius Caesar's invasions of Britain in 55 and 54 BC. It's been really interesting, and I thought I'd share some of the tidbits.

In 55 BC, Caesar's Romans first landed on the beaches in Kent. The Britons (which means "painted ones") fought in the water with their dogs to prevent the ships with soldiers from reaching the shore. Caesar's personal account of this battle actually marks the first reference of a specific domesticated dog breed - the English mastiff. ^.^ The surviving Roman soldiers, including Caesar, ended up coming to a truce with the Britons, but they came back in 54 BC with a huge army: 800 ships, five legions of troops, and 2000 cavalrymen. Fortunately for the Britons, a huge storm hit at the same time and decimated Caesar's ships and troops. With his remaining armies, Caesar marched north and wiped out a bunch of tribes before finally agreeing to peace terms. Then he left and never returned (due to being distracted by Cleopatra and then being stabbity-stabbed).

Work Quote of the Day (I'm not certain of the context):
J: I hate deceased employees.
L: They're such a nuisance!

Mmm, Spam Emails

Hi! It's my first post of the new year, and it's going to be about spam emails. Woo!

Spam email titles are usually pretty entertaining if you bother to look (just at the subjects, mind you - don't go opening that stuff). What's slightly alarming is that they're supposed to be sinisterly targeted at their audience. That being said, I have to wonder what these people think about me (and how in the freaking world did I manage to get on their lists in the first place, because seriously). The spam emails I received today:
Watches with bling
Improve the look of your kitchen cabinets
Did you suffer a gall bladder injury while using Birth Control?
You may qualify for an electric wheelchair at little or no cost
As Seen on TV: Watch Over 4500 Channels
Miracle Anti-Aging Pill

The only conclusion I can reach is that the internet thinks I'm an aspiring rapper/interior designer with a crippling gall bladder injury who's aging poorly in front of a television. Thanks a lot, internet. Jerk.

I do want to make a shout out to the As Seen on TV spammers, though. They had the only properly capitalized email subject. Good job.

Mr. Travon the Hairstylist

Every now and then, I meet a person in my daily adventures who seems to be channeling Mr. Travon from Salt the Holly (he was, after all, based on a real person). I tend to take a more light-hearted tone in the comic though, as making him as realistic as he could be would be horrifying. In any case, this weekend, a Mr. Travon protege cut my hair.

Omitting the gritty details about getting sprayed in the face with water and a completely horrible haircut in general and the part where he ignored me most of the time to talk about stillbirths with someone else's customer, we'll skip to the icky bits.

Typically, when a person is cutting your hair, the chair is positioned so that your head is about chest level with the stylist, right? So they don't have to hold their arms in an awkward position and such. Well, this guy puts the chair on the lowest setting so that my knees are really close to my chest and my face is just above groin-level to him. Then... he rests his junk on my shoulder and presses his stomach against my cheek. Oh my goodness.

I asked him not to stand so close to me, and he looked really irritated and said, "Why?"

"Uh, because your junk is on my shoulder, and it makes me uncomfortable."

He looks down, observes his junk very obviously on my person, and replies, "No, it isn't."

At that point, I stood up, moved to a different chair, and asked another stylist to fix the mess he'd made of my hair. (I imagine it's difficult to properly cut the hair of someone whose face is shoved in your abdomen.)

Guilty Pleasure Jokes

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.

Where does George Washington keep his armies?
In his sleevies.

What do vegan zombies eat?
Graaaaaaaains.

Quick-n-Dirty Update + Quote!

I'm not going to regale you with epic tales of being sick for a couple weeks. You're welcome.

Aside from that, life has settled into that kind of comfortable yet frantic pace that the holiday season seems to bring - and while most people I come across are pleasant and jovial, I definitely understand the "Seasonal Blues" phenomenom. Especially with the weather being consistantly overcast and drizzly. And the fog. The fog has been incredible.

My company Christmas party is tomorrow night - we'll be heading to Jack Allen's Kitchen and will be there opening night - it's kind of exciting, and I feel vaguely like a celebrity.

And here's the quote of the day (I don't know the context, but I heard it all the way across the office):
S: Look in my eye. There's glass in my eye. LOOK AT IT!

Winter Weather... in TEXAS?

Yup, it's actually snowing right now! I was surprised - the weather reports are calling for an inch and a half of accumulation, but I'm just laughing at that. For starters, the temperature hasn't reached freezing yet. And besides, the ground is too warm to allow for accumulation. Now, if the snow keeps falling at the rate it has been, we *might* get a white powdery dusting on the top of cars and shrubs - but only maybe.

I took a couple pictures - if any came out well, I'll post them here.

Also, I told Trevor, our Chicago friend, about the snow:
Trevor: it was snowing here yesterday...i bet our snow is colder than yours
Me: I'm sure it is =p Your snow would beat up our snow and take its lunch money
Trevor: and it's girlfriend. "you're dating me now, baby! now gimme some of your fries"

Marriage Blah Blah Blah

The subject of convenience marriages came up the other day, and that made me remember a particular incident of a couple years ago. I was friends with a girl involved in that type of marriage (she married a guy to get permanent citizenship, tsk). She had a male friend who wanted the same scenario, and, as I was her only single girl friend, she tried to set that up with me.

I remember having to give that serious thought. On one hand, that would have been pretty much illegal and ugh, the paperwork and stuff. But on the other, all this dating crap would have been a non-issue. Besides, I tend to agree with the mentality that you're just gambling with your choice of partner and that you really do have equal chance of happiness (or contentment, at least) regardless of the partner you choose.

Could just be my bitterness talking, but digest that for a bit. I was told more than once that people are on their best behavior while dating (and, to an extent, while living together), but once they're married, all holds are off. Well... *I* can fake being a pleasing, sweet, dutiful partner for a solid length of time, so theoretically speaking, I could just trick someone into marrying me and then turn into a sour, horrifying mess of a woman because mwahaha, it takes effort to get divorced! Rar!

I don't think that this happens often to that particular extreme... but it happens in small ways all the time. The point, I guess, is that you never *really* know a person until you're in a legally binding relationship that's difficult to walk away from (especially in Texas). You might find that, ten or twenty years down the line, you aren't compatible at all anymore. You've grown apart. That sort of scenario happens every single day.

Maybe I'm just not exposed to many relationships that work in the long term anymore. Fidelity seems outdated. I haven't seen but a handful of marriages that are built on respect and friendship.

I know I'm rambling. I'd apologize, but... nah.